Excerpt from Out-Going

Immortality, my favorite book by Milan Kundera, opens with an older woman waving to her swimming instructor from across the pool. The narrator observes this in awe, as he recognizes something else, a quality to that wave of the hand, that doesn't seem to belong to this far from charming woman, but perhaps to someone he feels he knows already, even though they had never met. I read this when I was in the army. It was the first time the thought crossed my mind that maybe the qualities that I think I own and which make me ME, are in fact their own independent entities. Perhaps more so than I am. And maybe I am possessed by them rather than they being owned or used by me. In other words, this charming wave of the hand decided to go out and play in the world today, and its channel happened to be a particular woman. Tomorrow, she might try to replicate that moment, but this gorgeous presence will have moved on by then, finding other vessels through which to celebrate its autonomous beauty.

I don't want to tell you a story

I have a problem with narratives. I don't believe in them. Don't find them interesting. To be perfectly honest, it's not that I haven't tried. But you just can't survive in this world without occasionally disguising your weaknesses as convictions. So there it is. I can't tell a story to save my life. It's true. You'll see. 

Not only that, but there's a little bit of contempt rising up in me whenever I observe a storyteller in the act. As I watch them speak, I can almost see them transform into a little spoiled brat with an oversized lollipop, running around with glazed eyes, contaminating the room with their careless stickiness. 

Maybe I should do poetry. People might be more forgiving about not understanding what the hell I'm trying to say when the understanding part is not officially required. Or maybe one day I'll just miraculously cease cherishing my narraphobia so dearly, and it'll naturally evaporate, looking for someone else to cling to, who'll love it unconditionally as I once have.

But we're getting sidetracked. Let's focus: narratives.

When you adopt the identity of the observer early on in life, you naturally get used to perceiving life as reality within reality within reality. What people sense as TIME that is pushing them further and forward, you grasp as SPACE that is taking you deeper and below. Experiencing life this way becomes easily an addictive habit, since it also happens to be escapism's most effective device. 

However, it seemed undeniable that whatever it was that was 'happening' in the horizontal realm of things - narratives' kingdom - could never be half as engaging as the texture of one moment's infinite layers, constantly unfolding into the present. 

Juxtaposed

(When I said goodbye to my father before leaving Israel a week ago, he left me with two things: "My oatmeal is cold" and "Stop being a philosopher". It made me laugh... imagining a tiny philosopher sitting inside a microwave, gazing patiently through the glass door.)

I'll try to describe the book -- Well, maybe I'll backtrack to our first correspondences. No, actually, let me go further back to film school in Paris. Seems like a million years ago. It was the year I discovered the wonders of editing and the Soviet Montage Cinema.

Have you heard of the Kuleshov effect? A Russian filmmaker made an experiment using an image of a man that he alternated with various shots of different objects. The audience was convinced that the manโ€™s facial expression changed dramatically following every image he was supposedly looking at. Only it didn't at all. Kuleshov used the same image every time, yet the man seemed deeply and differently moved by each thing he "saw". 

So where does the value, the quality of the image lie? The frame has its defined features and limitations. However, its hidden essence or potential can only be revealed, or rather created, through its interaction with other frames, and within the context of the entire sequence or film or life it is part of.

I wonder, maybe that's why we need to go on this ride called life. Some discoveries you just can't make without getting a littleโ€ฆ involved.

Thatโ€™s how Iโ€™ve been thinking about our correspondence. I was thrilled when you first replied to my letter. As time and additional letters went by, there was something about my replies that took me by surprise โ€“ a foreign yet familiar quality that I wasnโ€™t able to define or point to. As if - as in the experiment - the juxtaposition of our โ€œframesโ€ at that time in our lives created a third element, an effect only our particular match could inspire, and it changed the nature of what each of us brought to the table. 

The next step was, inevitably, going over my email accountโ€™s outgoing folder from the past decade or so to study this more thoroughly. I wanted to examine how one side of the conversation โ€“ fed by the encounter with a hidden other side - can carry an encoding of a story that is bigger than itself. 

ืขื•ื“ ืœื ืกื™ืคืจืชื™ ืœืš ืขืœ ืคืืจื™ื–

ื–ื” ืืฃ ืคืขื ืœื ื ืจืื” ื”ืจื’ืข ื”ื ื›ื•ืŸ, ื•ื—ื•ืฅ ืžื–ื” ืœืคืืจื™ื– ืœื ืžืชืื™ืžื™ื ื ืจื˜ื™ื‘ื™ื. ืœื• ื”ื™ื™ืชื™ ื™ื›ื•ืœื”, ืืช ืคืืจื™ื– ื”ื™ื™ืชื™ ืžืกืคืจืช ื‘ืชืžื•ื ื•ืช ืกื˜ื™ืœืก ืขื ืคื•ืงื•ืก ืชืžื•ื”, ืœืžืฉืœ ืขืœ ื”ืขืงื‘ื™ื ื”ื“ืงื™ืงื™ื ืฉืœื™ ืฉื”ื™ื• ื ืชืคืกื™ื ื‘ื™ืŸ ื”ื—ืจื™ืฆื™ื ื‘ืจื—ื•ื‘ ืงื ืงืžืคื•ืื”, ืื• ื”ืงื•ืจื ืคืœืงืก ื”ื ื˜ื•ืฉ ืฉืืจื— ืœื™ ื—ื‘ืจื” ื‘ืœื™ืœื” ื”ืจืืฉื•ืŸ ื‘ื“ื™ืจื” ืื—ืช ืฉื‘ื” ื”ื™ื• ื•ืœื ื”ื™ื• ื™ื•ืชืจ ืขืœื™ืœื•ืช ืžืฉืชื•ื›ืœ ืœื”ื›ื™ืœ, ืื• ื”ื–ื™ืชื™ื ื”ื ืขืœืžื™ื ื•ื”ื‘ื•ื˜ื ื™ื ื”ื ืžืฆืื™ื, ืขืœ ืงืœื™ืคื•ืชื™ื”ื, ื•ื”ืฉื›ืŸ ืฉืจืง ื‘ืฉื‘ื™ืœื• ื ื™ื’ื ืชื™ ื‘ืคืกื ืชืจ ื›ืœ ืœื™ืœื”, ื‘ืขื™ืงืจ ื“ื‘ื™ื•ืกื™, ื•ืฉื”ื™ื” ืชืžื™ื“ ืžืงืฉื™ื‘, ืื• ืœืคื—ื•ืช ื ืžืฆื.

ืื‘ืœ ื–ื” ืœื ื–ื”. ื–ื” ืœื. ืœื ื ืจืื” ืœื™ ืฉืื ื™ ืžืฆืœื™ื—ื” ืœืขืฆื•ืจ ื‘ืฉื‘ื™ืœืš - ื–ื” ืžืฆืจื™ืš ืขืฆื™ืจื” ืžืœืื” - ื•ืœื—ืœืฅ ืืช ื”ื—ื™ื™ื ืžื”ื–ื™ื›ืจื•ืŸ ืฉื ืจืื” ืœื ืคื—ื•ืช ืคื™ืงื˜ื™ื‘ื™ ืžืดื ืงืกื•ืกืด ืื• ืดืคืœืงืกื•ืกืด, ืื• ืžื” ืฉื–ื” ืœื ื”ื™ื” ืฉื’ืจืจ ืื•ืชื™ ืœืžืงื•ื ื”ื–ื”. ืžื“ื™ื. ืœื‘ืฉืชื™ ื‘ืคืืจื™ื– ืžื“ื™ื. ืžื” ื™ื•ืชืจ ืื‘ืกื•ืจื“ื™ ืžื–ื”. ืื‘ืœ ืขื™ืฉื ืชื™. ืขื™ืฉื ืชื™ ื”ืจื‘ื” ื•ื™ืคื” ื•ืขื ืงืคื” ืืœื•ื ื–ืณื”. 

ื•ื”ื™ื” ื‘ื•ืงืจ ืื—ื“, ืื ื™ ื—ื•ืฉื‘ืช ืฉื–ื” ื”ื™ื” 5:30 ืื• 6:00. ื‘ืจื—ืชื™ ืžื”ื‘ื™ืช ืฉืœ ืขืฆืžื™ ืื—ืจื™ ืœื™ืœื” ืฉืืจืš ื™ื•ืžื™ื™ื ืœืคื—ื•ืช. ื”ืื•ืจ, ื›ืžืขื˜ ื•ืœื ื”ืืžื ืชื™ ืฉื–ืจื— ื‘ืกื•ืฃ. ื™ืจื“ืชื™ ืœืกืŸ ื–ืณืจืžืŸ ื•ื—ืฆื™ืชื™ ืืช ื”ืžื™ื ื›ืื™ืœื• ื›ืœื•ื, ื›ืื™ืœื• ื–ื• ืคืกื™ืขื” ื‘ืืœื ื‘ื™ (ื•ื™ื•ืฉื‘ื™ ืคืืจื™ื– ื™ื•ื“ืขื™ื - ืื™ ืืคืฉืจ ืœื—ืฆื•ืช ื’ืฉืจ ืœืœื ื”ื”ืฉื”ื™ื™ื” ื”ืžื•ืกื•ื•ื™ืช, ื”ืžื‘ื˜ ื”ืžืฆื•ืขืฃ). ืื‘ืœ ื”ื’ืฉืจ ืœื ื–ื›ื•ืจ ืœื™ ืžืื•ืชื• ื”ื‘ื•ืงืจ. ืจืง ื–ื›ื•ืจื” ืœื™ ื”ื–ื•ื™ืช ืฉื‘ื” ืคื’ืขื” ื”ืฉืžืฉ ื‘ืชืงืœื™ื˜ื•ืจ ืฉืชืœืชื” ืื™ืฉื” ืืœืžื•ื ื™ืช - ืฉืœื ื ืจืื” ื”ื™ื” ืฉืžืขื•ืœื ื™ืฉื ื” ืื• ืœื ื”ื™ื™ืชื” ืืœืžื•ื ื™ืช - ืขืœ ืื—ื“ ื”ืขืฆื™ื ื‘ื›ื™ื›ืจ. ื•ื”ื™ื ื”ื‘ื™ื˜ื” ื‘ืขืฆืžื” ื“ืจื›ื•, ืžืจื•ืฆื”, ืžื”ื•ืคื ื˜ืช, ืžื•ืจื—ืช ืขื•ื“ ืฉื›ื‘ื” ืฉืœ ืื•ื“ื. ื•ืื ื™ ื•ื’ื•ืคื™ ืขื“ื™ื. 

ื•ื”ื™ื” ืจืžื™ (ื–ื” ืžืœืจืข, ืื ื—ื ื• ื‘ืฆืจืคืช ืขื“ื™ื™ืŸ). ื”ื•ื ื”ื™ื” ืคืกื ืชืจืŸ ื’ืื•ืŸ. ืื• ืื•ืœื™ ื”ื™ื” ืคืฉื•ื˜ ื’ืื•ืŸ. ืื ื™ ื–ื•ื›ืจืช ืœื™ืœื•ืช ืฉื”ื•ื ื”ื™ื” ืžื ื’ืŸ ืฉืขื•ืช, ื•ื”ื™ื™ืชื™ ืžืฉืชืจืขืช ืขืœ ื”ืžื™ื˜ื” ืฉืœื• ื•ืžืžืชื™ื ื” ื‘ืกื‘ืœื ื•ืช ืฉื™ื’ืžื•ืจ. ื’ื ื‘ืชื ื”ืงื•ืœื™ ืฉืœื™ ื”ื™ื” ืžื ื’ืŸ. ืžืขื•ืœื ืืฃ ืžื™ืœื”. ื•ืื– ื”ื™ื” ืกื•ื’ืจ ืืช ื”ืคืกื ืชืจ ื•ืžื•ืจื™ื“ ืœื™ ืืช ื”ื‘ื’ื“ื™ื. ื”ื•ื ื ืชืŸ ืœื™ ืคืขื ืงืœื˜ืช, ื›ื–ื• ืฉืฉืžื™ื ื‘ื˜ื™ื™ืค, ื–ื” ื‘ื™ืžื™ื ืฉืขื•ื“ ืœื ื”ื™ื” ื’ืื•ืŸ. ืื ื™ ื–ื•ื›ืจืช ืžื ื’ื™ื ื” ืื—ืช ืฉื”ื™ื™ืชื™ ื™ื›ื•ืœื” ืœื–ืžื–ื ืœืš ื›ืืŸ ื•ืขื›ืฉื™ื• ืœืžืจื•ืช ืฉื–ื” ื”ื™ื” ืœืคื ื™ 10 ืฉื ื™ื ื•ืฉื–ื” ื”ื™ื” ืžืื•ืœืชืจ ื•ืžื‘ื•ืœื’ืŸ ื•ืื•ืœื™ ื‘ื›ืœืœ ืœื ื”ื™ื”. ืœืคืขืžื™ื ืื ื™ ืžืืžื™ื ื” ื‘ืขืžืงื™ ื ืฉืžืชื™ ืฉืื ื”ื™ื™ืชื™ ื™ื›ื•ืœื” ืœืฉืžื•ืข ืืช ื”ืžื ื’ื™ื ื” ื”ื–ืืช ืขื•ื“ ืคืขื ืื—ืช ื–ื” ื”ื™ื” ืžืฉื ื” ื”ื›ืœ.

ืืฃ ืคืขื ืœื ื”ื‘ื ืชื™ ื“ื‘ืจื™ื ืื‘ื•ื“ื™ื.

ื’ื ืขื•ื“ ืœื ืกื™ืคืจืชื™ ืœืš ืขืœ ืฉื•ื•ื“ื™ื”

ื–ื” ื”ื™ื” ืžื–ืžืŸ. ื•ื–ื” ื’ื ืœื ื”ื™ื” ื—ืฉื•ื‘. ืื ื™ ืจืง ื–ื•ื›ืจืช ืฉื ื•ืจื ืจืฆื™ืชื™ ื›ื‘ืจ ืœื ืกื•ืข, ื•ืื– ื ื•ืจื ืจืฆื™ืชื™ ื›ื‘ืจ ืœื—ื–ื•ืจ. ื•ืื ื™ ื’ื ื–ื•ื›ืจืช ืืช ื”ื˜ื™ืกื”. ืขื ืื™ืชื™. ื•ืฉื”ืœื‘ ืฉืœื™ ื“ืงืจ ืื•ืชื™ ื—ื–ืง ื‘ืคืชืื•ืžื™ื•ืช ื‘ื”ืžืจืื”, ื•ื”ืชื‘ื™ื™ืฉืชื™ ืœืขืฉื•ืช ืดืื™ื™ืด. ื–ื” ื›ืžื• ืฉื”ื™ื” ื‘ื‘ืจื™ื›ื”, ืขื•ื“ ื™ื•ืชืจ ืžื–ืžืŸ. ื”ื’ืขืชื™ ืœืžื™ื ื”ืขืžื•ืงื™ื ื•ื”ืžื™ื ื ื›ื ืกื• ืœืคืชื—ื™ื ื•ื”ืจื’ืฉืชื™ ืืช ืขืฆืžื™ ื˜ื•ื‘ืขืช. ืื‘ืœ ื”ืžื—ืฉื‘ื” ื”ื™ื—ื™ื“ื” ืฉืขื‘ืจื” ืœื™ ื‘ืจืืฉ ื”ื™ื™ืชื” ืฉืžื‘ื™ืš ืœืฆืขื•ืง ืดื”ืฆื™ืœื•ืด. ื‘ืืžืช, ืžื™ ืฆื•ืขืง ื”ืฆื™ืœื•? ืจืง ื‘ืกืจื˜ื™ื. 

ืื ื™ ืฉื•ื ืืช ืžื™ื. 

ื›ืฉืงื•ืจื” ืžืฉื”ื• ื ื•ืจื, ื–ื” ืœื ื ื›ื•ืŸ ืฉืคืชืื•ื ื ื’ืœื” ืœื ื• ืžื” ื—ืฉื•ื‘ ื‘ืืžืช. ืื ื—ื ื• ืคืฉื•ื˜ ืจื•ืื™ื ืžื” ืžื˜ื•ืคืฉ ื•ืžื‘ื™ื ื™ื ืฉืื™ืŸ ืฉื•ื ื“ื‘ืจ ืื—ืจ ืฉืืคืฉืจ ืœื”ืชืขืกืง ื‘ื•. ืคืขื ืื—ืช ื‘ื—ื™ื™ื ื‘ื™ืœื™ืชื™ ืœื™ืœื” ืฉืœื ื‘ืœืฆืขื•ืง ื”ืฆื™ืœื•. ื–ื” ื›ืŸ ืงืจื”. ืื‘ืœ ื–ื• ืœื• ื”ื™ื™ืชื” ืื ื™. ืื ื™ ื”ืชื™ื™ืฉื‘ืชื™ ืขืœ ื”ืชืงืจื” ื•ื‘ืฉืงื˜ ืจืฉืžืชื™ ืœื™ ื”ืขืจื•ืช.

ื”ื™ื™ืชื™ ื—ื•ื–ืจืช ืœืกื˜ื•ืงื”ื•ืœื. ื”ื™ื” ื‘ื” ืžืฉื”ื•. ืœืžืฉืœ, ื”ื™ื” ื‘ื” ืžืงื•ื ืœืฉืœื•ืฉื” ืื ืฉื™ื ืœืจื•ืฅ ื–ื” ืœืฆื“ ื–ื” ื‘ืจื—ื•ื‘ - ืœื ื›ืžื• ืจื™ืฆื” ืœืื•ื˜ื•ื‘ื•ืก. ืžืžืฉ ืจื™ืฆื”, ืขื ื”ื™ื“ื™ื™ื ื•ื”ื”ืชื ืฉืคื•ืช. ื”ืจื’ืฉื ื• ื›ืžื• ื‘ื–ืณื™ืœ ื•ื’ืณื™ื, ืื™ืชื™ ื™ื•ื’ื‘ ื•ืื ื™. ื—ืฉื‘ืชื™ ืื– ืฉืžื” ืฉืฉื™ื“ืš ื‘ื™ื ื™ื ื• ื”ื™ื” ื‘ื•ื•ื“ืื™ ืื™ื–ื” ืกื‘ืœ ืฉื ื•ืœื“ื ื• ืื™ืชื•, ื•ืื•ืœื™ ื–ื” ืืคื™ืœื• ืœื ื”ืกื‘ืœ ืืœื ื›ืžื” ืฉืจืฆื™ื ื• ืœืฆืืช ืžืžื ื•. ืื• ื”ืขื•ื‘ื“ื” ืฉืœื ื™ื›ื•ืœื ื• ืœืฆืืช ืžืžื ื•, ื›ื™ ื”ื•ื ื”ื™ื” ื’ื ื›ืœ ื›ืš ื™ืคื”. ื™ื•ื’ื‘ ืคืขื ื ื™ื’ืฉ ืืœื™ื™ ื‘ื‘ืกื™ืก ื•ืฉืืœ ืดืืช ืžื›ื™ืจื” ืืช ืณื”ืงืœื•ืช ื”ื‘ืœืชื™ ื ืกื‘ืœืช ืฉืœ ื”ืงื™ื•ืืณ?ืด ื•ื–ื”ื•. ืœื—ืฆื ื• ื™ื“ื™ื™ื ื•ื ืกืขื ื• ืœืฉื•ื•ื“ื™ื”. ื–ื• ื›ื–ืืช ื”ืงืœื” ื›ืฉืœื ืฆืจื™ืš ืœื”ืฉืชืžืฉ ื‘ืžื™ืœื™ื, ืื• ืื•ืœื™ ืจืง ื—ืžืฉ ืžื™ืœื™ื.

The Gig

ื›ื•ืื‘ืช ืœื™ ื”ื‘ื˜ืŸ. ื”ื™ื ื›ื•ืื‘ืช ื›ื‘ืจ ืฉื ื™ื. ืขื“ ืขื›ืฉื™ื• ื›ืื‘ื” ื‘ืฉืงื˜ ืœืขืฆืžื” ื•ื ืจืื” ืฉื ืžืืก ืœื”. ื™ืฉ ืœื™ ืชื—ื•ืฉื” ืฉื›ืœ ื–ื” ืขื•ื“ ื™ื›ื•ืœ ืœื”ื™ื’ืžืจ ื˜ื•ื‘. ื›ืžื• ื‘ืกืจื˜ื™ื ืฉื”ืคืกืงืชื™ ืœืจืื•ืช ื›ื™ ื”ื›ื•ื›ื‘ื™ื ื”ื™ื•ื ื›ื‘ืจ ืฆืขื™ืจื™ื ืžืžื ื™. ืื ื”ื™ื™ืชื™ ื ืœื—ืžืช ื™ื•ืชืจ, ืื•ืœื™ ืคื—ื•ืช, ื”ื™ื” ื™ื•ืฆื ืžืฉื”ื• ืžื›ืœ ื”ืกื™ืคื•ืจ ื”ื–ื”. ืื– ืื ื™ ืชืงื•ืขื” ืขื ืกืจื˜ื™ ืื™ื›ื•ืช. ืื ื™ ื—ื•ืฉื‘ืช ืฉืื ื™ ื—ื™ื” ืืช ื—ื™ื™ ื›ืžื• ื—ื•ื˜ ื‘ืžื—ื˜ - ืงื“ื™ืžื” ื‘ืกืชืจ, ืื—ื•ืจื” ื‘ื‘ืขื™ื˜ื”, ื•ืคื™ืฆื•ื™ ื›ืคื•ืœ ืขืœ ื”ืคืขืจ; ืงื“ื™ืžื”, ืื—ื•ืจื”, ืคื™ืฆื•ื™. ื‘ื–ื” ื ื’ืžืจืช ื”ื™ื“ื™ืขื” ืฉืœื™ ื‘ืชืคื™ืจื”. 

ืกื•ืฃ ืกื•ืฃ ืื ื™ ื‘ืฆื“ ื”ืฉื ื™. ื–ื” ืœืงื— ืจืง 18 ืฉื ื™ื ืœื—ื–ื•ืจ ืžืžืช ืœื—ื™. ืขื›ืฉื™ื• ืื ื™ ืžื‘ื™ื ื” ืœืžื” ื›ื•ืœื ื›ืœ ื›ืš ืื™ืžืคื•ื˜ื ื˜ื™ื ื›ืฉื”ื ื‘ืกื“ืจ. 

ื™ืฉ ืœื™ ืชื—ื•ืฉื” ืฉื™ื•ื ืื—ื“ ืืžื•ืช. ื ืจืื” ืœื™ ืฉื”ื™ื™ืชื™ ื™ื•ื“ืขืช ืืช ื–ื” ื’ื ืื ืœื ื”ื™ื• ืžืกืคืจื™ื ืœื™. ื–ื” ืœื ืžืคืกื™ืง ืœื”ืขืฆื™ื‘ ืื•ืชื™ ืืคื™ืœื• ืœืจื’ืข ืื—ื“. ืคืขื ืจื•ืคื ืฉื™ื ื™ื™ื ื—ืฉื‘ ืฉื™ืฉ ืœื™ ืคื™ื’ื•ืจ ืฉื›ืœื™, ื›ื™ ืœื ื”ื‘ื ืชื™ ืื•ืชื• (ื”ื•ื ื“ื™ื‘ืจ ื’ืจืžื ื™ืช) ื•ื‘ืžืงื•ื ืœื”ืกื‘ื™ืจ ื—ื™ื™ื›ืชื™. ื—ื™ื™ื›ืชื™ ื›ืžื• ืžืœืืš ืฉืžืกืชื›ืœ ืขืœ ื›ืžื” ืฉื›ืœ ื–ื” ืžื•ื–ืจ, ืื• ื›ืื™ืœื• ื ื›ื ืกื” ื‘ื™ ืจื•ื— ื”ืจืคืื™ื ืฉืœ ืขืฆืžื™. ืžืขืžื™ื“ื” ืคื ื™ื ืฉืื ื™ ื™ื•ื“ืขืช ื”ื›ืœ. ื‘ืืžืช ื™ื•ื“ืขืช. ื•ืฉื–ื” ืžืžืฉ ืœื ืžืคืจื™ืข ืœื”ื™ื•ืช ืœื-ืžื•ื‘ื ืช. ืื•ืœื™ ืื ื™ ื™ื•ืชืจ ืžื•ืืจืช ืžืžื” ืฉืื ื™ ื—ื•ืฉื‘ืช. (ืื™ื–ื• ืืžื™ืจื” ืคืจื“ื•ืงืกืœื™ืช. ื•ื”ื”ื™ืคืš ืžืคืจื“ื•ืงืกืœื™ืช.) ื”ื ื” ื”ื•ื ืžืจื™ื ื’ื‘ื”. ื”ืžืืžืฅ. ืคืชื— ืกื•ื’ืจื™ื™ื

ืœืื‘ื ืฉืœื™ ื›ื•ืื‘ ืžืื“. ื›ืฉืœืžื™ืฉื”ื• ื›ื•ืื‘ ืžืื“ ื”ื•ื ืœื ืื•ืžืจ ืดื›ื•ืื‘ ืœื™ืด; ื”ื•ื ืื•ืžืจ ืดืžืชื™?ืด.

ืื ื™ ืžืฉื—ื–ืจืช ืืช ื”ืคื’ื™ืฉื” ืฉืœื ื• ื•ื”ื›ืœ ืžืขืœื” ืขื•ื‘ืฉ. ืื ื™ ืžืจื’ื™ืฉื” ืฉืื ื™ ื›ื•ืชื‘ืช ื›ืžื• ืžื™ืฉื”ื• ืื—ืจ. ื ืงืจื ืœื–ื” ื”ื•ืžืื–ืณ. ืื ื™ ืžืชื—ื™ืœื” ืœื”ืืžื™ืŸ ื‘ืกื•ืฃ ื•ื”ืชื—ืœื”. ื”ื ืžื’ื‘ืฉื™ื ืฆื•ืจื” ืืฆืœื™ ื‘ื–ืžืŸ ื”ืื—ืจื•ืŸ. ืื•ืœื™ ื‘ืกื•ืฃ ืืืžื™ืŸ ื‘ื–ืžืŸ, ื•ืื– ืื•ืฆื™ื ืกืคืจ ืฉื ืงืจื: ืดืื™ืš ืขืฉื™ืชื™ ื–ืืช! ืกืคืจ ืœื—ื‘ืจื™ืšืด. ืื ื™ ืžื“ืžื™ื™ื ืช ืฉืžืจืื™ื™ื ื™ื ืื•ืชื™ ื‘ื˜ืœื•ื™ื–ื™ื” ื•ืื ื™ ืžืชื ื”ื’ืช ื›ืžื• ื™ืœื“ื” ืžืคื’ืจืช, ืขื ื”ื—ื™ื•ืš ื”ืžื˜ื•ืคืฉ, ืจืง ื›ื“ื™ ืœื”ื•ื›ื™ื— ืื™ื–ื• ื ืงื•ื“ื”. (ื”ืžืจื“ื ื•ืช ืฉืœื™ ื”ื™ื ืฉืงื˜. ื•ื’ื ืื™ื–ื” ืงืขืงื•ืข). ื›ืฉื”ื™ื™ืชื™ ื‘ืคืืจื™ื– ื•ื”ื›ืจืชื™ ืฉื ืžื™ืฉื”ื™ ืจืขื” ื‘ืืžืช, ื ืฉื‘ืขืชื™ ืœืขืฆืžื™ ืฉืœืขื•ืœื ืœื ืื”ืคืš ืœืžืจื™ืจื”, ืœื ืžืฉื ื” ื›ืžื” ื™ื”ื™ื” ืœื™ ืงืฉื”. ื•ืœื ื”ืคื›ืชื™. ืœื”ื™ืคืš. ืื™ื–ื” ืžืงื•ืจ ื’ืื•ื•ื” ืžื˜ื•ืคืฉ. ื•ืžื™ ืืžืจ ืฉืขืฆื‘ ื–ื” ื‘ื—ื™ืจื” ื™ื•ืชืจ ื ืื•ืจื”. ืกื’ื•ืจ ืกื•ื’ืจื™ื™ื

ื”ื‘ื™ืงื•ืจ ื”ืื—ืจื•ืŸ ืืฆืœ ืื‘ื, ืงืฉื” ืœื”ืกื‘ื™ืจ. ืื ื™ ืžื ืกื” ืœื—ื‘ืง ืื•ืชื• ื‘ื›ืœ ื›ืš ื”ืจื‘ื” ื“ืจื›ื™ื ืื‘ืœ ื ืฉืืจืช ืžืกื‘ื™ื‘. ื•ืื– ืื ื™ ืžื ืกื” ืขื•ื“ ืคืขื, ืงืฆืช ืื—ืดื›. ื•ื›ืฉื–ื” ืœื ืขื•ื‘ื“, ืื ื™ ืžืœื˜ืคืช ืœื• ืืช ื”ืฉื™ืขืจ. ื–ื” ื“ื‘ืจ ื—ื“ืฉ. ืžืœื˜ืคืช ื•ืžืชืคืขืœืช ืžื”ืฉื™ืขืจ ื”ืœื‘ืŸ ื”ื™ืคื” ืฉืœื•. ืžื ืงื” ืœื• ืืช ื”ืคื” ื‘ืคืขื ื”ืขืฉืจืช ืืœืคื™ื, ื›ื™ ื–ื” ื’ื ืงืฆืช ื›ืžื• ื—ื™ื‘ื•ืง. ืื ื™ ื™ื•ืฉื‘ืช ืงืžื•ืฆื” ื•ืžื“ื•ื“ื” ื•ืžืชื” ืœื”ื™ื•ืช ืžื™ืฉื”ื™ ืื—ืจืช ืฉืžืชื ื”ื’ืช ื›ืžื• ืฉืฆืจื™ืš ื‘ืกื™ื˜ื•ืืฆื™ื” ื›ื–ืืช. ืฉืžื“ื‘ืจืช ื‘ืงื•ืœ ืจื ื•ื ืขื™ื, ืฉืžื—ืœื™ื˜ื” ืžื” ืงื•ืจื” ื•ืžื” ืœื ืงื•ืจื”. ืื•ืœื™ ื–ื” ืœื ื‘ื“ื™ื•ืง ื–ื”, ื›ื™ ืื ื™ ื“ื•ื•ืงื ื›ืŸ ืžื“ื‘ืจืช ื•ืžื—ืœื™ื˜ื” ื•ื›ืœ ื–ื”, ืœืคืขืžื™ื. ืื‘ืœ ื–ื” ื”ืคื” ืฉืœื™ ืฉืžื ื”ืœ ื—ื™ื™ื ืžืฉืœ ืขืฆืžื•, ื•ืฉืืจ ื”ื’ื•ืฃ ืฆื•ื•ื•ื— ืœืืืืืืืืืืืืืืืืืื ืžืชื•ืš ืฉื™ืชื•ืง, ื”ืœื. ืžืžืฉ ื›ืžื• ืขื›ืฉื™ื•. ืื‘ืœ ื›ืœ ืชื™ื ื•ืง ื™ื•ื“ืข ืฉืื™ืŸ ืžืกืคื™ืง ืžืงื•ื ื‘ืขื•ืœื ืœืฆื•ื•ื—ื” ื”ื–ืืช, ื•ืฆืจื™ืš ื”ืจื‘ื” ืœื™ื˜ื•ืคื™ื ื›ื“ื™ ืœืกื›ืœ ืืช ืฉื—ืจื•ืจื”.

I've been taking pictures

And reading. The book, it says โ€œRead this as if youโ€™re not the passive participator in this exchange. Read this as if youโ€™re going to teach it, to explain something about it to someone else who can benefit from it. Can you feel how it changes your experience? how receiving becomes a proactive state?โ€

The camera, itโ€™s a phone camera, but a very good one. I enjoy playing around with it much more than expected. I've always thought becoming used to this habit might damage the purity of precious moments, pulling me into commenting on and documenting my life instead of living it, in it.

Itโ€™s probably true, as things tend to be when they are also wrong. But today, when I was making my way through the alleys of Oaxaca, holding my little embarrassing tourist device, I realized that something transformed in a meaningful way. I became more alert, adventurous, open. Even humbled. Not as self involved.

The possibility of sharing a story, of forwarding a fraction of life to someone who wasnโ€™t there didnโ€™t seem as artificial anymore, as it didnโ€™t only change the experience of living the story; it had the power to change the story itself.

ืžื“ืจื’ื•ืช

 ืื ื™ ื ื›ื ืกืช ืœืžื—ื™ืœื•ืช ื”ืชืช ืงืจืงืขื™ื•ืช, ื”ืจื™ื— ื”ืžื•ื›ืจ ืฉืœ ืžืชื™ืงื•ืช ืฉืœ ืœื›ืœื•ืš ืžื”ื•ืœ ื‘ืื•ื•ื™ืจ ื”ื—ื ื”ื™ื•ืฆื ืžื”ืคืชื—ื™ื, ื•ื”ื›ืจื–ื•ืช ื”ื—ื“ืฉื•ืช ืžืกื•ื™ื“ื•ืช ื”ื™ื˜ื‘ ืœื“ืคื ื•ืช ื”ืžืขื‘ืจื™ื: ืกื•ืฃ ืขื•ื ื” ื‘ื—ื ื•ื™ื•ืช, ื—ื‘ื™ืœื•ืช ื ื•ืคืฉ ื‘ืžื—ื™ืจ ืžื‘ืฆืข, ืคืกื˜ื™ื‘ืœ ื’'ืื– ืงืจื‘ ื•ื‘ื... ื•ื”ื”ืœื™ื›ื” ืœื ื ืคืกืงืช, ืชื—ื•ืฉื” ื”ื—ืžืฆื” ืžืžื ื” ื™ืฉ ืœื”ืžื ืข. ื•ืจืฆื™ื ื•ื›ื‘ืจ ืื™ื ื ื—ื•ืฉื‘ื™ื ืขืœ ื™ืžื™ืŸ ื•ืขืœ ืฉืžืืœ, ื–ื•ื›ืจื™ื ืขื“ ื›ืžื” ืžื˜ืขื™ื ื”ืกื™ืžื•ื ื™ื, ืขื•ืœื™ื ื•ื™ื•ืจื“ื™ื, ืขื™ื™ืคื™ื ื•ื ื—ื•ืฉื™ื. ืคื ื™ื ืœื‘ื ื™ื, ืฉืงื•ืคื™ื, ื’ื•ืฃ ืžืชื—ื ืŸ ืœืžืขื™ื“ื” ืงืœื”, ืœื”ืชืงืœื•ืช ื‘ืœืชื™ ืฆืคื•ื™ื”, ืกื™ื‘ื” ืœื—ื™ื•ืš ื‘ื™ื™ืฉืŸ. ื•ืงืจ, ื•ืื™ืฉ ืื™ืฉ ืžืชื›ื ืก ื‘ืžืขื™ืœื•, ื™ื•ืฉื‘ ืฉืคื•ืฃ ื•ืงื”ื”; ื•ืคื ื™ื• ื”ื—ื™ื•ื•ืจื™ื ื‘ืœื‘ื“ ื”ื™ื• ืขืฉื•ื™ื™ื ืœื”ืขื™ื“ ืขืœ ื”ืจื”ื•ืจื™ื ื‘ืจื•ืžื• ืฉืœ ืขื•ืœื. ื•ืื•ืœื™ ื›ืš ื–ื›ื” ื”ืขื ื”ืฆืจืคืชื™ ืœืฉืžื•, ืœื”ื™ืœืช ืชืจื‘ื•ืชื• - ืจื›ื‘ื•ืช ืชื—ืชื™ื•ืช ื•ืฉืžื™ื™ื ืขืฆื•ื‘ื™ื.

ื–ื”ื• ืฉื™ืจื” ืฉืœ ื”ืขื™ืจ ืฉืœื™. ื”ืขื™ืจ ื”ืืคื•ืจื”, ื”ืžืกื›ื ื”, ื”ืงืฉื”, ื”ืกื•ื‘ืœืช ืคืฆืขื™ ื”ืชื‘ื’ืจื•ืช ื•ื›ืื‘ื™ ื–ืงื ื”, ื”ืžืกืจื‘ืช ืœื—ื“ื•ืœ ืžืœื”ื‘ื™ื˜ ืœืื—ื•ืจ, ื•ื”ืžืœื— ื‘ื“ืžืขื•ืชื™ื”, ื•ื”ืžื•ื•ืช ื‘ืขื•ืจืงื™ื”. ื•ืœืขืชื™ื ื ืจืื” ื›ื™ ืื™ื ื” ื™ื•ื“ืขืช ื›ื™ืฆื“ ืœื—ื™ื•ืช ืœืฆื“ ื™ื•ืคื™ื”, ื›ื‘ื•ืฉื” ื‘ืงืกืžื”, ื•ืืชื” ื ื•ืฉื ืื•ืชื”, ืžื•ืขื“ ื‘ื–ืจื•ืขื•ืชื™ื”, ืฆื•ืœืœ ืืœ ื™ื™ืื•ืฉื” (ืื• ื˜ื•ื‘ืข).

ื•ื‘ืงื•ืžื” ื”ืจื‘ื™ืขื™ืช ืื ื™ ื™ื•ืฉื‘ืช ื‘ืืžืฆืข ื”ืœื™ืœื”, ื•ื”ืจื—ื•ื‘ ืžืกืจื‘ ืœื ื•ื—. ืชืขืจื•ื‘ืช ืงื•ืœื•ืช ื•ื–ืžื–ื•ื ืชืขื‘ื•ืจืช ืžื›ื•ื ื™ื•ืช, ื•ืจื•ื— ืงืจื™ืจื” ื—ื•ื“ืจืช ื•ืžืจืขื™ื“ื” ื•ื™ืœื•ืŸ ื›ื—ื•ืœ, ื›ื‘ื“ ื•ืžื—ื•ืกืคืก, ืขื™ื™ืฃ ืžื—ื•ืจืฃ ืืจื•ืš. ื•ืื ื™ ืžืชื’ืขื’ืขืช ืœืขื‘ืจ ืฉืžืขื•ืœื ืœื ื”ื™ื” ืœื™. ื•ืœืคืขืžื™ื ื ื“ืžื” ืœื™, ื›ืŸ ื ื“ืžื” ืœื™, ืฉื”ื—ื™ื™ื ื”ืืœื” ื”ื™ื• ื™ื›ื•ืœื™ื ืœื”ื™ื•ืช ืฉืœื™.

(ื•ืื ื™ ื™ื•ื“ืขืช, ืื ื™ ื™ื•ื“ืขืช, ืื ื™ ื™ื•ื“ืขืช... ื”ื™ื›ืŸ ืœื‘ื™ ื ืžืฆื. ืœื ืฉืื™ืŸ ื‘ื™ื›ื•ืœืชื™ ืœื”ืจื’ื™ืฉ; ืื™ื ื ื™ ืžืกื•ื’ืœืช ืœื”ื•ืกื™ืฃ ื•ืœื”ืจื’ื™ืฉ... ื•ื”ื ืชืžื™ื“ ืžื•ืคืชืขื™ื, ื›ืื™ืœื• ืฉื”ื—ื™ื™ื ื‘ืงื•ืžื” ื”ืจื‘ื™ืขื™ืช ืžืฆื‘ื™ืขื™ื ืขืœ ื”ื™ื•ืชื™ ื—ืกืจืช ื™ืฆืจื™ื. ืืœื•ื”ื™ื ื™ื•ื“ืข, ื™ืฉ ืœื™ ื™ืฆืจื™ื, ื•ื”ื ื‘ื•ืขื˜ื™ื ื‘ื‘ื˜ืŸ ื•ื“ื•ืคืงื™ื ื‘ืจืืฉ, ืžื›ืื™ื‘ื™ื ื‘ืฉื™ื ื™ื™ื ื•ืฆื•ื‘ื˜ื™ื ื‘ืจื™ืื•ืช. ืื™ืš ืื”ื‘ืชื™ ืœืฉืžื•ืข ืืช ื”ื ืฉื™ืžื•ืช ืฉืœื™, ื”ืงืฆื•ื‘ื•ืช, ื›ืฉื”ื•ื ื—ืกื ืœื™ ืืช ื“ืจื›ื™ ื”ื ืฉื™ืžื”. ืจืฆื™ืชื™ ืขื•ื“, ืฉื™ื™ื’ืข ื‘ื™ ืขื•ื“, ื‘ื’ื•ืฃ ื”ื–ื”, ืฉื™ื™ื’ืข, ื•ืื– ื”ื•ื ื™ื“ืข, ื”ื’ื•ืฃ ื”ื–ื”, ืฉื”ื•ื ืงื™ื™ื ืœืžืจื•ืช ื”ื›ืœ.)

ื“ื‘ืจื™ื ืฉืฉืžืจืชื™ ื‘ื‘ื˜ืŸ

ื”ื’ืขืชื™ ืขื›ืฉื™ื• ืœืžื ื–ืจ ื•ืขืœ ื”ืคืกื ืชืจ ื”ื™ื™ืชื” ืชืžื•ื ื”, ื•ื‘ืชืžื•ื ื” ื”ื™ื” ืคืชืง, ื•ื‘ืคืชืง  ื”ื™ื” ื›ืชื•ื‘: ืื ื ื”ืชื™ื™ื—ืกื• ืœืคืกื ืชืจ ื‘ืขื“ื™ื ื•ืช ื•ื‘ืื”ื‘ื”, ื•ื”ื™ื™ืชื™ ื‘ื˜ื•ื—ื” ืฉื–ื” ืžื™ื•ืขื“ ืœื™, ื›ื™ ืœืื—ืจื•ื ื” ื“ืคืงืชื™ ืขืœ ื”ืคืกื ืชืจ ื›ืžื• ืžืฉื•ื’ืขืช. ื–ื” ืงื•ืจื” ืœื™ ืœืคืขืžื™ื. ืื ื™ ืขื“ื™ื™ืŸ ื–ื•ื›ืจืช ื›ืžื” ื”ื•ืคืชืขืชื™ ื›ืฉืจืื™ืชื™ ืืช ื›ืชื‘ ื™ื“ื” ืฉืœ ืœื™ืžื•ืจ - ืœื™ืžื•ืจ ืžื”ืขื‘ื•ื“ื”, ื–ื• ื”ืื’ืจืกื™ื‘ื™ืช, ื—ืกืจืช ื”ืกืคืงื•ืช - ืฉื”ื™ื” ืขื“ื™ืŸ ื•ื“ืงื™ืง ื•ืงืœ. ืขื“ ื”ื™ื•ื ืฆืจื•ื‘ื” ืœื™ ื”ืชืžื•ื ื” ื‘ื–ื›ืจื•ืŸ. ื”ื™ื” ื›ืœ ื›ืš ืงืฉื” ืœื”ืืžื™ืŸ ืฉืื ืฉื™ื ื›ืžื•ื” ืœื ื“ื•ืคืงื™ื ืขืœ ืคืกื ืชืจื™ื. ื•ื”ื ืœื. ื–ื”, ื›ืžื•ื‘ืŸ, ืœื ืžืกื•ื‘ืš ืœื”ืกื‘ื™ืจ. ื™ื“ื” ืฉืœ ืœื™ืžื•ืจ ื”ื™ื™ืชื” ืงืœื” ื•ืขืœื™ื–ื” ื›ื ื•ืฆื”, ื›ื™ ืœื ื”ื™ื” ืœื” ืžืฉืงืœ; ืืช ื”ืžืฉืงืœ ืœื™ืžื•ืจ ื”ืขื‘ื™ืจื” ืืœื™ื™, ืืœ ื ื™ืจ, ืืœ ืื•ืคื™ืจ, ืืœ ื™ืขืœ.

ย 

ืกื™ื ืงื•ืคื•ืช

ืื™ืŸ

ืœื™

ืฉื•ื

ื“ื‘ืจ

ืœื•ืžืจ

ืื•

ืœื”ืจืื•ืช

ย 

ื•

ื–ื”

ืœื

ืขื•ืฆืจ

ืื•ืชื™

ืžืœื ืกื•ืช

ย 

ื›ื™

ืœื™

ื›ืืŸ

ื—ืฉื•ืš

ื‘ืชื•ืš

ื”ืขื˜ื™ืคื•ืช

ย 

ื™ื•ื

ื™ื‘ื•ื

ืื•ืœื™

ื™ื™ืชื ื•

ื›ืžื”

ืคืจื•ื˜ื•ืช